Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest, and it opens up your heart, and it means that someone can get inside you and messes you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. “It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love”

—Neil Gaiman

Diving is my zenith. It is my summit. Because after going through a long, arduous process of failed attempts all these years I have finally overcome my fear of the water.

All my life I have been crippled by this fear. I drowned in the pool when I was a little girl. That’s why I was always scared to come near the water. In fact, I have a lot of swimmer friends, and diver friends who try to encourage me. But I guess when you are not ready emotionally and mentally it’s almost impossible to conquer a fear.

But three weekends ago in Anilao, Batangas I finally made it.

It took me almost 6 months and went through different stages. I started last October. First, I went swimming in the pool; then I would go out to the beach with my diver friends in the open water. I would stay in the “bangka”, stare at the water and read a book while my diver friends went down. By December, I would still go with my diver friends and stay in the “bangka” but this time I would go down the ladder, dangle myself and dip my head with my mask on to look down below.

Early this year I was able to do snorkeling at 20 feet with fins and all, I was ecstatic! That in itself was a breakthrough. I felt so brave.

Last July I started my diving pool sessions. Still doing fine, stable and determined. Familiarizing myself with the regulator, BC (buoyancy compensator) and masking.

And finally, three weekends ago I did my intro dive in the open water. I did the back roll, stayed under water for 2 hours (I did two dives, 1 hour each), scribbled down notes on the slate while my friend took pictures of me. I was in a trance, in awe of the beauty of the sea. It was so peaceful down there. God is truly an awesome Creator.

I will be forever grateful to my diver friend who patiently shared his time and knowledge in teaching me. It’s not about the diving, it goes beyond that. It’s very personal. A painful past is now forgotten.

I have finally befriended the ocean.

Share on Facebook