I’m 38 years old and single. Never been married, no kids. I have been in relationships, all serious so yes, I have loved and been loved. I have received a marriage proposal several years ago but I decided to back out. I have never regretted that decision. Not even a second.

So why am I still single and unattached? Here are my reasons:

Because I am not looking for a boyfriend or in the meantime partner.

Because I don’t believe (anymore) in disposable relationships.

Because I can wait. I know my man is worth the wait. And I know my worth as well.

I know what I’m looking for and I’m not about to bend my standards so I can fit a man into my mold. After all you cannot change a person. If I get married I will stick to it forever and ever because I believe so much in the sanctity of marriage. I do not support separation or divorce laws. I will be in a relationship because I can submit myself to his character and principles. I would like to be in a relationship where we can complement each other, not control the other.

I want to be pursued by a man who has a plan and knows his purpose in life. A man who is steady when it comes to his emotions. A man who will not be threatened by my achievements and talents. A man who can lead both of us spiritually and not just financially. A man who is undaunted when it comes to commitment.

Obviously I am not the typical Filipina who, at my age, should be married with at least 3 kids. I would always get a reaction from people and they ask the same thing: “Why?” I have come to terms with it that I actually enjoy their curiosity. It becomes a testimony and an inspiration, rather than a disability.

In the meantime I shall hustle while I wait. Continue to happily pursue my passions and interests. Being single is not a curse. So why should I brood about not having a boyfriend or husband? This is an exciting time to explore the world! If it turns out I am meant for single blessedness at least I can always look back and smile because I know I have lived my life to the fullest.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest, and it opens up your heart, and it means that someone can get inside you and messes you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. “It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love”

—Neil Gaiman

I am a wedding singer. I have been a wedding singer long before Adam Sandler’s movie came out. Although I hardly have time these days to indulge in this hobby, I still manage to squeeze in one or two in a year.

I started doing this semi-professionally in 1996. But the very first wedding I sang in from start to finish was when I was a freshman in the UP College of Music in 1987. One of my teachers recruited me and 3 other girls in my batch to sing at his friend’s wedding. We were a female quartet — two sopranos and two altos. I was lower alto. We sang at The Archbishop’s Palace in Mandaluyong. Our teacher trained us for about three weeks. I remember singing “What Matters Most,” “Take and Receive,” “Come Saturday Morning,” and “Anima Christi” in four voices. It was awesome! Only because I’ve never sung in a quartet before.

Fast forward to 1996. My friend, Edith, who is also our church organist, and I started playing at weddings in our parish. We’d have gigs almost every week because we tied up with the Parish office and they’d set us up as an option in the church service. We didn’t charge much. It was just pocket money for us. We considered ourselves lucky if the newlyweds would invite us to the reception. But more often than not, we’d just sing at the service.  

Even if we were partners in the biz, there were times Edith wouldn’t be available so I had to sing with whoever the client hired to play the music. No practice needed. I’d just show up at the church with a list of songs requested by the couple, tell the instrumentalists what key I’ll be singing the songs, and off we go. It was practically a jam session and it was a blast. I’ve had the privilege of singing with some of the most popular music groups in the wedding industry — most of whom were also from UP and were part of either the Philippine Philharmonic Orchestra or the Manila Symphonic Orchestra. 

But there were times I had to do double duty — as a wedding singer and as a wedding reception host. It’s fun but it can also get crazy. Not only do I sing in church, but I sing and host the reception. As wedding hostess, sometimes it was my job to think of what will happen during the reception. That part is easy. The challenge is how to make the program interesting. That’s when my wit and humor have to shine. I daresay I’ve done a pretty good job with the hosting part. I guess it’s because I talk with an American accent and that impresses a lot of people. Nyahahaha!

When do I get to eat you ask? After everyuthing’s done! Yup! You heard me right. Usually at the end of the party. Well, not totally at the end. I and whoever else is performing with me get to enjoy the food when the program’s over. By then, we’d get special treatment from the servers. If it’s a buffet, they’d serve us the food. We didn’t have to get it ourselves. Plus, we get to bring home food as an extra special treat!

I’ve sung in a lot of churches in Manila, namely: The Manila Cathedral, San Agustin Church, Santuario de San Antonio in Forbes Park, Santuario de San Jose in Greenhills, The Archbishop’s Palace, Shrine of Jesus, the Way, the Truth, and the Life (also known as the church beside Mall of Asia), Paco Park church, St. James in Ayala Alabang, St. Jerome in Alabnag Town Center, Mt. Carmel in New Manila, Pasig Cathedral, the Nature Church in Las Pinas, Christ the King in Greenmeadows, Church of the Risen Lord in UP Diliman, and other lesser known churches. I’ve also sung in Tagaytay, Bulacan (thanks to Clara of the Mafia!), Dagupan, Baguio, and Batangas. The farthest I’ve sung would be my cousin’s wedding in Los Angeles. That was one of the coolest since my cousin’s cousin brought his string quartet with him. So it was a truly a family affair. And FYI, my cousin’s cousin, Carlo, is part of the White House Orchestra.

I love being a wedding singer. I love making people cry….with happy tears. Someone asked me who I wanted to sing at my wedding - if and when that happens. I told her I’ll record my songs and have it played during the church service and at the reception. Nyahahaha!

Neysa singing \”Ikaw\” at the Nature Church

I just finished reading Mitch Albom’s for one more day, and I have learned several things from it.  Sometimes, we forget the basic things in life because we are caught up with work, relationships, friends, and then more work.  This book reminded me of some of the basic, but extremely valuable lessons in life.

First, we must always show our love to our mothers.  Our mothers are always there for us.  My mom has always been there for me, but I rarely showed to her how much I appreciate her.  As an adult, I’m showing her how much I love her and appreciate all the things she’s done for me.  I’m also showing my father my respect and love for him, even if he has done so many things wrong to us.

Second, it reinforced the notion that I already believed which is, there is reason for everything.  The clock on the wall has its purpose, not just for time.  It also has a story of how it got there.

Most importantly, we have another day to look forward to.  That’s why this book is called “for one more day.”  Never give up.  When things seem like they are going wrong, when nothings going right, when you are tired, that’s when you know you have another chance to fight again.  Keep fighting till your last breath of air.

This book was heartwarming.  I know that I must never forget those around me, especially my mom and dad.  I’m looking forward to reading [b]Tuesday’s with Morrie[/b] also by Mitch Albom.